Relationships are tricky things right? And even trickier is the ending of a relationship. My two year relationship ended a few weeks back and ever since I have been full of confusion, heartache and emptiness. Leading to me sitting here writing this post. I don’t even know what I’m going to write, or what this post is actually supposed to be about. Heck, I don’t even know if I’m going to hit publish. But this is my blog, and it’s supposed to be a place where I write about my life. So if I can write about the good times, I should also be able to write about the bad times. Right?
My break-up wasn’t a shock. I knew it was coming. I knew it was coming for weeks, I just didn’t know when. I also knew it was the right thing to do, not that it makes it any easier whatsoever to accept and deal with. I’m not about to get into the specifics of it all, because it’s personal and it’s not something I fancy publishing for the world to see, I just want to ramble a little bit.
See, my boyfriend, he was my best friend. And while we where only going out for two years, we were friends for a lot longer than that. We first started working together when we were 16, and we always got a long well. He could always make me laugh with his stupid jokes. He never treated me like some stupid little girl (which I hate to say, but a lot of guys do), and we always had fun.
His ability to make me laugh was the number one thing I loved about our relationship. Even when I was mad at him, he would soon have me laughing. His stupid jokes, his weird sense of humour… I loved it all. And that’s the thing I’m going to miss the most. Because even though we’ve said we’ll stay friends, things will never be the same again. The hardest thing isn’t necessarily that I’m losing my boyfriend, it’s that I’m losing my friend. The person I could always be myself around. The person I could always be as weird, silly self around.
I’m going to miss his jokes. I’m going to miss his weirdness. I’m going to miss his hugs, because he really did give the best hugs. Maybe if I could hate him it would be easier. If I could get mad at him, if he had done something wrong. But I can’t. Because he did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong either, it was just one of those things. One of those shitty, crappy events that can’t be avoided but is heartbreaking at the same time.
And that’s just the way of life.